We would like advice around nurturing children?
All praise be to Allah and may the peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah ﷺ to proceed.
The upbringing of children is from the important affairs and problematic.
As for it being important that is because the child takes from whomsoever he mixes with, if his father is a singer then he will not hear except his father singing and if his father is a author then from the very start he will will have a sheet of paper and pen drawing in a notebook until he fills up the notebook.
We say it's like this, if his father is a officer and you were to say to him: "What would you like to be?" He will say "I would like to be a officer" and if his father is a Scholar and you were to ask him "what would you like to be?" he would say "I would like to be a Scholar" this is in his childhood before he begins to mingle in the streets.
Then after that you have the story of Luqman, and in it is guidance for the children
يَا بُنَيَّ أَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَانْهَ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ وَاصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَا أَصَابَكَ ۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ[Luqman:17]
O my son! Aqim-is-Salat (perform As-Salat), enjoin (people) for Al-Ma’ruf (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily!"[Luqman:17]
These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.
In Bukhaari and Muslim, the Hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah who narrated on the Prophet ﷺ he said (The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Every child is born upon a natural disposition (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) and his parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or Magianism (Fire Worshipping), as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find it mutilated?"
And in Saheeh Muslim the Prophet ﷺ said narrating on his lord ﷻ
I have created all of My servants naturally inclined to worship one God but it is the devils who turn them away from their religion;"
It is binding upon one to be cautious of evil companions for your son and your daughter
وَيَوْمَ يَعَضُّ الظَّالِمُ عَلَىٰ يَدَيْهِ يَقُولُ يَا لَيْتَنِي اتَّخَذْتُ مَعَ الرَّسُولِ سَبِيلًايَا وَيْلَتَىٰ لَيْتَنِي لَمْ أَتَّخِذْ فُلَانًا خَلِيلًالَقَدْ أَضَلَّنِي عَنِ الذِّكْرِ بَعْدَ إِذْ جَاءَنِي ۗ وَكَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ لِلْإِنْسَانِ خَذُولًا[al-Furqan 27-29]
And (remember) the Day when the Zalim (wrong-doer, oppressor, polytheist, etc.) will bite at his hands, he will say: "Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger ( Muhammad ﷺ. Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! "He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (this Qur'an) after it had come to me. And Shaitan (Satan) is ever a deserter to man in the hour of need.”[al-Furqan 27-29]
The affair of sitting with the people of goodness aids the person himself and his children, in Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Abi Musa رضي الله عنه "The example of a good pious companion and an evil one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him, but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him."
Perhaps a child will not return from the streets except with foul speech.
Even teaching the children is exhausting, you (might) beat him severely yet he forgets quickly and returns to playing just like he was (before his beating).
It is a problem from the many problems but it is OBLIGATORY upon an individual to give importance to the upbringing of his children.
I feel remorseful for many people, you will find one going from masjid to masjid city to city, not caring about the upbringing of his children, he leaves his child until his mustache appears then he begins to clash with him at that time. It's obligatory to to give it importance from the very beginning and strive in keeping company with the righteous.
وَأْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَاصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْهَا ۖ لَا نَسْأَلُكَ رِزْقًا ۖ نَحْنُ نَرْزُقُكَ ۗ وَالْعَاقِبَةُ لِلتَّقْوَىٰ[Ta-ha:132]
And enjoin As-Salat (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering them [i.e. the Salat (prayers)]. We ask not of you a provision (i.e. to give Us something: money, etc.); We provide for you. And the good end (i.e. Paradise) is for the Muttaqun (pious)[Ta-ha:132]
It is obligatory for you to take the responsibility of nurturing your children and that you set aside for them time, and that you are good to them and that you better your manners, you play with them sometimes and show them affection and this is something very important, perhaps the enemies of al-Islam may show them affection and take them from a persons very hands.
Like this you remove them from evil companions Allah ﷻ says in the Qur’an
فَأَقْبَلَ بَعْضُهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ يَتَسَاءَلُونَقَالَ قَائِلٌ مِنْهُمْ إِنِّي كَانَ لِي قَرِينٌيَقُولُ أَإِنَّكَ لَمِنَ الْمُصَدِّقِينَأَإِذَا مِتْنَا وَكُنَّا تُرَابًا وَعِظَامًا أَإِنَّا لَمَدِينُونَقَالَ هَلْ أَنْتُمْ مُطَّلِعُونَفَاطَّلَعَ فَرَآهُ فِي سَوَاءِ الْجَحِيمِ[as-Saffaat:50-55]
Then they will turn to one another, mutually questioning. A speaker of them will say: "Verily, I had a companion (in the world), Who used to say: "Are you among those who believe (in resurrection after death). "(That) when we die and become dust and bones, shall we indeed (be raised up) to receive reward or punishment (according to our deeds)?” (The man) said: "Will you look down?” So he looked down and saw him in the midst of the Fire.”[as-Saffaat:50-55]
وَلَوْلَا نِعْمَةُ رَبِّي لَكُنْتُ مِنَ الْمُحْضَرِينَ[as-Saffaat-57]
Meaning in the middle of the Hell Fire, a righteous man said "He said: "By Allah! You have nearly ruined me.” (as-Saffaat-56) you have nearly destroyed me with you “"Had it not been for the Grace of my Lord, I would certainly have been among those brought forth (to Hell).”[as-Saffaat-57]
الْأَخِلَّاءُ يَوْمَئِذٍ بَعْضُهُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ إِلَّا الْمُتَّقِينَ[az-Zukhfruf:67]
"Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al-Muttaqun (pious)”[az-Zukhfruf:67]
It is obligatory to stay away and for your children to stay away from evil companions because they will busy an individual (with evil things) and enter doubts upon him, and Allah's aid is sought.
Then after that you occupy your son with good, either by memorizing the Qur'an, and if he attends school then either by occupy him with something from the short Ahadeeth like "The best of you are those who learn the Qur'an then teach it" (Bukhaari on the authority of Uthmaan) or the likes of when a man said "O Messenger of Allah advise me "he said "Do not get angry" (Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah) also like "The worldly life is a prison for the believer and paradise for the disbeliever" (Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah) like this, short narrations will aid a person in his memorization.
In the very beginning we use to have about ONE HUNDRED students and ONE teacher. What did he use to do? Busy them like this:
"O children write the Hadeeth" The Dunyah is a prison for the believer and paradise for the disbeliever and after they write it (and then the teacher says) "Who mesmerized the Hadeeth?" They stand up up saying I memorized it! I memorized it! The children stand, the Hadeeth is still visible in their minds (from writing it).
Indeed we are responsible for them in front of Allah
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ[Tahreem-6]
O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.”[Tahreem-6]
It is obligatory upon the Mother, the Father and the family to cooperate in upbringing all of their children. The righteous Mother is preparing and aiding you and disburdening you when you are preoccupied from teaching your child, she is teaching and cultivating him.
From where do you choose the Ahadeeth (Narrations)? From Kitaab ul-Adab from Saheeh al-Bukhaari and Kitaab ul-Adab from Sunan Abi Dawud and something amazing from Kitab ul-Adab from Sunan Abi Dawud and like this, Adab al-Mufrad from Sahih ul-Bukhaari and Lu' Lu' wal-Marjaan, a person should choose from them narrations which are befitting for the family and after this it is not befitting that we deprive the women and girls and make them as some of the tribes do, having no care for her (Islamic education and upbringing) rather it is obligatory that we fear Allah regarding her and cultivate her and do well in choosing a righteous husband for her.
I ask Allah to give us the ability to do that which he likes and is pleased with.
- Women & Family Matters